At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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