Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
