I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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