Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
