I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
