Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I want to fling myself into the sun
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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