You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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