just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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