I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
