Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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