weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
