The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
