I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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