Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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