Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
