Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
