they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
