They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
