it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
