Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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