I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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