Your dad touched me again.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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