I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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