got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Someone signed my nipple.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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