i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
