Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
