my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want nice things and good sex
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
