just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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