wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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