Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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