Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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