im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
