his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I could fuck to npr.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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