I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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