Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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