the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've blown a few things in my day
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
