don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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