I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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