so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize