Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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