dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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