I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
