is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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