3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You did what with his pubic hair?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize