Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
