I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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