I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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