i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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