Sacagawea was the original milf.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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