I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
