dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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