I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
