Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
