i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
