You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
