The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
