I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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