She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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