I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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