i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
