Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
