I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
