found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
