We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize