By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
