I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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