YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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