We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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