If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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