I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
