i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
