Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
