I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
