so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
