remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
