Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
