You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
