I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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