1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The Olympian is in my bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
