I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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