So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
