btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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