a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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