We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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