Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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