considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
