Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
