She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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